As well as becoming 21 years of age, I've also had to deal with job applications, interviews and inductions as well as trying to do my thesis/dissertation!
I'll post soon. Promise.
Wednesday 16 November 2011
Wednesday 26 October 2011
Back from Italy!
Jet setting around Europe once again, I'm back from a week in Naples, Italy. The next post (sometime tonight/tomorrow) will be all about Naples. Maybe an overview of the 4 countries I've visited this year (Turkey, Italy, Spain and Norway). Maybe.
Sunday 9 October 2011
Back at uni and back to blogging.
Sorry about my absence loyal followers, I have been busy trying to keep a lovely lady happy, get a tan, get a degree and break drinking records in a very short space of time, so that is why I have been mysteriously silent.
Anyhow, back to business.... Today's blog will be about UNIVERSITY.
There are not many things I dislike about university if I'm honest. I love the degree I do (Geography and Natural Hazard Management... effectively looking at stuff blowing up and talking about what to do when it blows up), have many great friends and have an excuse to drink heavily every week. But some things are not so good.
Things like the scheduling of lectures by an inconsiderate chimp in an office somewhere. I have an entire week free but you decide I would find it really handy having a lecture at 9am on a Monday morning. Or at a stupid time like 7PM in the evening. Why do you feel the need to drag my out of bed at that UNGODLY hour? I have a cynical theory that the person who designs the timetables has a private vendetta against me. It sounds paranoid but it's the only feasible explanation as to why I have been given lectures at stupid times consistently for 3 years. Why not a reasonable time like 1PM? No, it's much funnier getting up at 8AM, clambering into a freezing cold broken shower in a house with rarely activated central heating. Much funnier.
Having to go to lectures you blatently don't need to attend because the lecturer is an incompetant, dull, lazy moron who simply reads out the various bulletpoints in a powerpoint presentation in a morbid, time-stretching, suicide-considering tone whilst vaguely gesturing into thin air and providing no real information whatsoever. If I stayed at home and downloaded the Powerpoint, I would know just as much as I gained from the lecture. In fact, I'd probably know more as I would fully read the presentation whereas by the 3rd slide in a lecture, I have normally lost interest and decided to daydream about executions, torture and other justifications.
People who wait until the last second of a lecture to ask a banal question requiring a huge, dull, time-ebbing answer. I think you can assume when everybody has packed away their belongings, they are ready to go and don't really care what the answer to your irrelevant question is. Save it until everybody has gone and ask when the session has ended if you're really dying to know the answer. Or ask during a presentation. Not 0.1 milliseconds before everybody is allowed to stand up, therefore keeping everybody sat in the sweatbox lecture theatre 10 minutes more than necessary. I've spent 4 hours sat down, please shut the fuck up and let me go home.
Anyhow, back to business.... Today's blog will be about UNIVERSITY.
There are not many things I dislike about university if I'm honest. I love the degree I do (Geography and Natural Hazard Management... effectively looking at stuff blowing up and talking about what to do when it blows up), have many great friends and have an excuse to drink heavily every week. But some things are not so good.
Things like the scheduling of lectures by an inconsiderate chimp in an office somewhere. I have an entire week free but you decide I would find it really handy having a lecture at 9am on a Monday morning. Or at a stupid time like 7PM in the evening. Why do you feel the need to drag my out of bed at that UNGODLY hour? I have a cynical theory that the person who designs the timetables has a private vendetta against me. It sounds paranoid but it's the only feasible explanation as to why I have been given lectures at stupid times consistently for 3 years. Why not a reasonable time like 1PM? No, it's much funnier getting up at 8AM, clambering into a freezing cold broken shower in a house with rarely activated central heating. Much funnier.
Having to go to lectures you blatently don't need to attend because the lecturer is an incompetant, dull, lazy moron who simply reads out the various bulletpoints in a powerpoint presentation in a morbid, time-stretching, suicide-considering tone whilst vaguely gesturing into thin air and providing no real information whatsoever. If I stayed at home and downloaded the Powerpoint, I would know just as much as I gained from the lecture. In fact, I'd probably know more as I would fully read the presentation whereas by the 3rd slide in a lecture, I have normally lost interest and decided to daydream about executions, torture and other justifications.
People who wait until the last second of a lecture to ask a banal question requiring a huge, dull, time-ebbing answer. I think you can assume when everybody has packed away their belongings, they are ready to go and don't really care what the answer to your irrelevant question is. Save it until everybody has gone and ask when the session has ended if you're really dying to know the answer. Or ask during a presentation. Not 0.1 milliseconds before everybody is allowed to stand up, therefore keeping everybody sat in the sweatbox lecture theatre 10 minutes more than necessary. I've spent 4 hours sat down, please shut the fuck up and let me go home.
Monday 3 October 2011
Back from holiday
But back at university, so posts may be irregular. I'll do my best to keep the rage flowing.
Any ideas for topics? Open to all suggestions.
Cheerio.
Any ideas for topics? Open to all suggestions.
Cheerio.
Tuesday 30 August 2011
I can only apologise...
...about my long absence. As well as being a gigantic moron I've been busy with lifting, sport, women and other things. I'll post again before Thursday. On Thursday I'll be going to Brighton for a night out.
Overly camp people beware.
Overly camp people beware.
Friday 19 August 2011
The gym
Afternoon loyal followers,
Just had a bowl of tuna mayo before I hit the gym and thought it would be poetic to write a rage post on things that annoy me in the gym, just before I go... to the gym.
My gym has a pitiful 10% of it's area dedicated to free weights, with only a freaking Smith Machine and 30 or so Dumbells. The rest of the gym is filled with shitty isolation machines that aren't much use for anyone who isn't doing rehab training, a few cardio machines and half a fucking room dedicated to some 'post workout warm down massage machine' set up which may as well be called the 'ROOM FULL OF BULLSHIT'. The sad thing is, people actually use these machines in the belief that they are 'cooling down' and 'toning'. They are placebo machines, they do not burn fat. For a start, there is NO SUCH THING as spot reduction. So it doesn't matter how many times the machine moves your arms up and down, it will not suddenly make those rubbery bingo wings disappear. If you want to lose weight, you need to change your diet and lose OVERALL body fat %. This is the ONLY way to lose weight on any area, you need to lower OVERALL body fat. Ever see someone with horrible fat legs and arms but a shiny 6 pack? No, because spot reduction is a MYTH.
People who bang the weights do my nut in. Fair enough, if the weight is heavy and you are really struggling, drop it, it's understandable. I don't want to sound like a Planet Fitness fanboy (I'm British, not American, but the legend of the Lunk Alarm has reached my ears), but dropping weights simply to show everybody that you've been lifting a particular weight is just moronic. I don't give a shit whether you've just been curling 1kg or 100kg, I'm busy doing my own exercises. But no, you feel the need to irritate the fuck out of me. *BANG* "Herp derp herpy derpy lookie here I just leefted this weight, lowered it to within 2cm of the ground then dropped it so people look over hur hur huuuuur".
The shitty music they put on at the gym. I can only assume it's for the cardio bunnies who are bored moving their legs around against minimal resistance on the exercise bikes, not even coming close to being out of breath or sweating. When I'm lifting heavy weights I don't want stupid Cheeky Girls or fucking Katy Perry in the background. Put something energetic on. I hate metal but it would be better than that shit they play now. If it was upto me I would play the screams of dying men over and over and over on the speakers to frighten the people out of the gym who simply go for the novelty of telling friends they 'work out'. When 'working out' consists of cycling on the exercise bike at 1 resistance for 15 minutes whilst reading OK magazine. Fuck off.
Oh and another thing. People who sweat ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. How are you producing so much sweat? I walk over to benchpress and the entire bench is covered in warm, sticky sweat from the last flubbermonster who was here. I love getting a good pump on and sweating whilst I'm lifting but I have the decency to wipe down all the equipment with a towel once I'm done with it. But no, we get Hairy McSweatbuckets pouring his reeking sweat over every single fucking item in the gym before moving on. Is it SO FUCKING DIFFICULT? Wipe down, you disgusting mess. I don't want to sit down and slide off the bench because you've apparently pissed yourself or something. Must be piss because no freak alive would sweat that fucking much.
Fuck this, off to the gym.
Just had a bowl of tuna mayo before I hit the gym and thought it would be poetic to write a rage post on things that annoy me in the gym, just before I go... to the gym.
My gym has a pitiful 10% of it's area dedicated to free weights, with only a freaking Smith Machine and 30 or so Dumbells. The rest of the gym is filled with shitty isolation machines that aren't much use for anyone who isn't doing rehab training, a few cardio machines and half a fucking room dedicated to some 'post workout warm down massage machine' set up which may as well be called the 'ROOM FULL OF BULLSHIT'. The sad thing is, people actually use these machines in the belief that they are 'cooling down' and 'toning'. They are placebo machines, they do not burn fat. For a start, there is NO SUCH THING as spot reduction. So it doesn't matter how many times the machine moves your arms up and down, it will not suddenly make those rubbery bingo wings disappear. If you want to lose weight, you need to change your diet and lose OVERALL body fat %. This is the ONLY way to lose weight on any area, you need to lower OVERALL body fat. Ever see someone with horrible fat legs and arms but a shiny 6 pack? No, because spot reduction is a MYTH.
People who bang the weights do my nut in. Fair enough, if the weight is heavy and you are really struggling, drop it, it's understandable. I don't want to sound like a Planet Fitness fanboy (I'm British, not American, but the legend of the Lunk Alarm has reached my ears), but dropping weights simply to show everybody that you've been lifting a particular weight is just moronic. I don't give a shit whether you've just been curling 1kg or 100kg, I'm busy doing my own exercises. But no, you feel the need to irritate the fuck out of me. *BANG* "Herp derp herpy derpy lookie here I just leefted this weight, lowered it to within 2cm of the ground then dropped it so people look over hur hur huuuuur".
The shitty music they put on at the gym. I can only assume it's for the cardio bunnies who are bored moving their legs around against minimal resistance on the exercise bikes, not even coming close to being out of breath or sweating. When I'm lifting heavy weights I don't want stupid Cheeky Girls or fucking Katy Perry in the background. Put something energetic on. I hate metal but it would be better than that shit they play now. If it was upto me I would play the screams of dying men over and over and over on the speakers to frighten the people out of the gym who simply go for the novelty of telling friends they 'work out'. When 'working out' consists of cycling on the exercise bike at 1 resistance for 15 minutes whilst reading OK magazine. Fuck off.
Oh and another thing. People who sweat ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. How are you producing so much sweat? I walk over to benchpress and the entire bench is covered in warm, sticky sweat from the last flubbermonster who was here. I love getting a good pump on and sweating whilst I'm lifting but I have the decency to wipe down all the equipment with a towel once I'm done with it. But no, we get Hairy McSweatbuckets pouring his reeking sweat over every single fucking item in the gym before moving on. Is it SO FUCKING DIFFICULT? Wipe down, you disgusting mess. I don't want to sit down and slide off the bench because you've apparently pissed yourself or something. Must be piss because no freak alive would sweat that fucking much.
Fuck this, off to the gym.
Sunday 14 August 2011
New layout
Welcome to the new layout. It's alright. I think it shows my sensitive side well.
New rage post shall be arriving tonight or tomorrow. Or possibly later. I don't know. All I know is that it will be angry. Very. Fucking. Angry.
New rage post shall be arriving tonight or tomorrow. Or possibly later. I don't know. All I know is that it will be angry. Very. Fucking. Angry.
Thursday 11 August 2011
Things that piss me off about footballers (diving)
Sorry for the downtime folks I've been busy, out and about.
Anywho, welcome to todays edition of Raging Time where this edition will be all about FOOTBALL, and footballers diving in particular. At this point, I should point out I am talking about PROPER football, not the funny egg game played by Americans in fat suits. You know, rugby with lots of padding. That one. It's not that. It's FOOTBALL. I'm not saying football is manlier than American Football. But Rugby is.
Football is my favourite sport, both to watch and play. But some things footballers do just make me want to pack the sport in altogether.
Diving/being a weak bastard. See Ronaldo/entire Arsenal team. What the fuck are you doing? As soon as they get a little tap on the ankle then throw themselves to the floor like a fucking ragdoll, giving off screams gutwrenching enough to scare local children away. They then precede to spend the next 5 minutes either holding the 'injured' area and wincing in pain with a look that suggests a bullet may have just blasted through the injured players ball sack or lying limp and lifeless on the floor, apparently dead. Within about half a second of the physio arriving on the field, the player then HEROICALLY hauls himself to his feet. He's such a strong, brave guy. He then limps off the pitch at about half a millimeter an hour, dragging his feet behind him in a scene reminiscent of any old war film, we'll say Saving Private Ryan for reference. After finally hauling his bleeding aching corpse across the pitch, he then promptly falls to the ground before whispering a few words to the physio, probably along the lines of 'that guy in the crowd sure looks pissed off at my Oscar worthy performance just there don't he hur'. The physio then pulls out the fabled MAGIC SPRAY. It's a simple aerosol can spraying mist, but when applied to the wounded and lifeless limb of the 'injured' player, it becomes magical. One the magical spray is administered, the wounded man suddenly leaps to his feet, stretches out his leg, gives one final pretend wince and then signals to the referee. 'Yes, referee. I am strong. I will man through this intense pain and carry on'. Within 30 seconds of returning to the play, the same player receives another light touch and heads for the grass once more. And so the cycle resumes.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
Anywho, welcome to todays edition of Raging Time where this edition will be all about FOOTBALL, and footballers diving in particular. At this point, I should point out I am talking about PROPER football, not the funny egg game played by Americans in fat suits. You know, rugby with lots of padding. That one. It's not that. It's FOOTBALL. I'm not saying football is manlier than American Football. But Rugby is.
Football is my favourite sport, both to watch and play. But some things footballers do just make me want to pack the sport in altogether.
Diving/being a weak bastard. See Ronaldo/entire Arsenal team. What the fuck are you doing? As soon as they get a little tap on the ankle then throw themselves to the floor like a fucking ragdoll, giving off screams gutwrenching enough to scare local children away. They then precede to spend the next 5 minutes either holding the 'injured' area and wincing in pain with a look that suggests a bullet may have just blasted through the injured players ball sack or lying limp and lifeless on the floor, apparently dead. Within about half a second of the physio arriving on the field, the player then HEROICALLY hauls himself to his feet. He's such a strong, brave guy. He then limps off the pitch at about half a millimeter an hour, dragging his feet behind him in a scene reminiscent of any old war film, we'll say Saving Private Ryan for reference. After finally hauling his bleeding aching corpse across the pitch, he then promptly falls to the ground before whispering a few words to the physio, probably along the lines of 'that guy in the crowd sure looks pissed off at my Oscar worthy performance just there don't he hur'. The physio then pulls out the fabled MAGIC SPRAY. It's a simple aerosol can spraying mist, but when applied to the wounded and lifeless limb of the 'injured' player, it becomes magical. One the magical spray is administered, the wounded man suddenly leaps to his feet, stretches out his leg, gives one final pretend wince and then signals to the referee. 'Yes, referee. I am strong. I will man through this intense pain and carry on'. Within 30 seconds of returning to the play, the same player receives another light touch and heads for the grass once more. And so the cycle resumes.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
Saturday 6 August 2011
Hmmm.
I appear to have somehow managed to delete my housemates post. How clumsy can I get?
I'll post again in the next day or so, pretty busy at the moment.
Keep smiling.
I'll post again in the next day or so, pretty busy at the moment.
Keep smiling.
Thursday 4 August 2011
I have returned.
I have returned (with a venegance).
My latest post should be up sometime tonight, tune in later on.
Tonights rant could be about anything. Suggest something.
Something like Sport.
Something like housemates.
Something like Gym Stories.
Something like Driving peeves.
Something like lists.
My latest post should be up sometime tonight, tune in later on.
Tonights rant could be about anything. Suggest something.
Something like Sport.
Something like housemates.
Something like Gym Stories.
Something like Driving peeves.
Something like lists.
Monday 1 August 2011
Away for a couple of days
I'm away for a couple of days so you'll have to wait until Thursday for another dose of anger. In the meantime, watch this video. He's almost as angry as me.
Thursday 28 July 2011
Gaming.
As promised, tonights bumper 'I want to go to bed despite it only being midnight and I am nocturnal but I need to stay up and write a blog' edition of Raging Time.
Todays special features is:
Gaming: Things that I want to watch burn and die a horrible death.
I know I'll have sympathy with this one from people across the world. Every game type has them. Every single one. Be it MMO, FPS, RPG, whatever. You will always, always, always have a preteen screaming down the microphone or typing furiously with his tiny spider hands the stupidest, inane shit. 'OMG U HAXED DAT MAN'. 'CHEETER'. They cannot stand to be beaten. They cannot be humble, they cannot SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. For one fucking second. When not slurping on pepsi and chomping on sugar cubes, they spend the entire gaming session typing with incredible speed and offering the most banal, irrelevant, boring shit comments as though everybody wants to hear what they have to say. 'I LVLED UP GAIS'. I don't care, little Tommy. I just want to play my game without my eyes/ears being ruined by stupid comments and a voice which is so high pitched my dog farts and ejaculates in surprise. I propose a ban on computer games until the age of 16, minimum. Or at least a gagging order. A super injunction against these pointless bastards.
My next gripe is when game producers release an unfinished game. What is the point? Seriously? I'm paying £45.99 to put a disk into my PS3 and stare at a 'update needed' screen for the next few weeks. Sort out the bugs and the glitches BEFORE release. The amount of glitches and bugs in some games that are released are unbelievable, it's like a fucking alpha version, not even a beta release. Make the game good and THEN fucking release it. I don't mind waiting an extra month to have a good game rather than spend 6 months playing one that is constantly getting a little bit better bit by fucking bit.
Similarly, I despise the companies (I'M LOOKINGA AT YOU EA SPORTS) that release the same game OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN. Take Fifa 09/10/11. There is NO FUCKING CHANGE. The graphics are the same. The chants the same. You've updated a few kits and player names/transfers. Well fucking done. You have a year to work on this, make it a little bit different. I'm paying £30-40 for what is basically a fucking upgrade because the fucking game never even changes. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR? Jesus Christ.
Todays special features is:
Gaming: Things that I want to watch burn and die a horrible death.
I know I'll have sympathy with this one from people across the world. Every game type has them. Every single one. Be it MMO, FPS, RPG, whatever. You will always, always, always have a preteen screaming down the microphone or typing furiously with his tiny spider hands the stupidest, inane shit. 'OMG U HAXED DAT MAN'. 'CHEETER'. They cannot stand to be beaten. They cannot be humble, they cannot SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. For one fucking second. When not slurping on pepsi and chomping on sugar cubes, they spend the entire gaming session typing with incredible speed and offering the most banal, irrelevant, boring shit comments as though everybody wants to hear what they have to say. 'I LVLED UP GAIS'. I don't care, little Tommy. I just want to play my game without my eyes/ears being ruined by stupid comments and a voice which is so high pitched my dog farts and ejaculates in surprise. I propose a ban on computer games until the age of 16, minimum. Or at least a gagging order. A super injunction against these pointless bastards.
My next gripe is when game producers release an unfinished game. What is the point? Seriously? I'm paying £45.99 to put a disk into my PS3 and stare at a 'update needed' screen for the next few weeks. Sort out the bugs and the glitches BEFORE release. The amount of glitches and bugs in some games that are released are unbelievable, it's like a fucking alpha version, not even a beta release. Make the game good and THEN fucking release it. I don't mind waiting an extra month to have a good game rather than spend 6 months playing one that is constantly getting a little bit better bit by fucking bit.
Similarly, I despise the companies (I'M LOOKINGA AT YOU EA SPORTS) that release the same game OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN. Take Fifa 09/10/11. There is NO FUCKING CHANGE. The graphics are the same. The chants the same. You've updated a few kits and player names/transfers. Well fucking done. You have a year to work on this, make it a little bit different. I'm paying £30-40 for what is basically a fucking upgrade because the fucking game never even changes. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR? Jesus Christ.
New post coming up tonight.
Just got back from a friends, where I've been for a few days.
Never fear, a new post will be up sometime this evening.
Any ideas for topics for me to discuss?
Never fear, a new post will be up sometime this evening.
Any ideas for topics for me to discuss?
Saturday 23 July 2011
Sayings and words
Evening followers, welcome to todays entry entitled 'Sayings and words' a post in which I list a mere few of the sayings and words which raise my temperature and get me punching newborn children.
Business sayings. Things like 'In the loop'. Things like 'brainstorming'. Things like 'moving forward' and 'pushing the envelope'. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. YOU APPEAR TO BE USING ENGLISH BUT YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY FUCKING SENSE. Somebody surely sits in an office all day thinking of these moronisms, parrotted in offices throughout the globe. I propose a contraption be made which is strapped to the groin of every office worker in the world. If a single nonsensical phrase or word is used, a swift punch to the bollocks from said contraption follows. This would soon eradicate this criminal abuse of English.
Americanisms. Sorry to the US followers, but some words and sayings that have been invented across the Atlantic should never have been allowed to leave. I've 'gotten' something. You've what? Gotten? What the fuck is this shit? That is not a word, it's a lazy way of saying you have received something. Another one is 'You do the Math'. It's Maths. As in MATHematicS. Why is this so difficult to grasp!? The final Americanism has got to be this. PERIOD. Why do some people insist on writing this after every point as though it suddenly gives said point irrefutable validity. I know there is a full stop/period because it's there at the end of the sentence. It's a dot at the end. You don't need to fucking tell me it's the end of the sentence.
These, however, pale into insignificant when compared with the following word, used inappropriately fucking all the fucking time. The word 'literally'. EVERYBODY USES THIS WORD ALL THE TIME. WHY WHY WHY? 'I literally walked to the shops and bought some milk'. So, you did walk to the shop and you did buy milk? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING LITERALLY. 'I literally just arrived'. So you just arrived, did you? Yes I fucking thought so. You people deserve more than death.
Literally.
Business sayings. Things like 'In the loop'. Things like 'brainstorming'. Things like 'moving forward' and 'pushing the envelope'. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. YOU APPEAR TO BE USING ENGLISH BUT YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY FUCKING SENSE. Somebody surely sits in an office all day thinking of these moronisms, parrotted in offices throughout the globe. I propose a contraption be made which is strapped to the groin of every office worker in the world. If a single nonsensical phrase or word is used, a swift punch to the bollocks from said contraption follows. This would soon eradicate this criminal abuse of English.
Americanisms. Sorry to the US followers, but some words and sayings that have been invented across the Atlantic should never have been allowed to leave. I've 'gotten' something. You've what? Gotten? What the fuck is this shit? That is not a word, it's a lazy way of saying you have received something. Another one is 'You do the Math'. It's Maths. As in MATHematicS. Why is this so difficult to grasp!? The final Americanism has got to be this. PERIOD. Why do some people insist on writing this after every point as though it suddenly gives said point irrefutable validity. I know there is a full stop/period because it's there at the end of the sentence. It's a dot at the end. You don't need to fucking tell me it's the end of the sentence.
These, however, pale into insignificant when compared with the following word, used inappropriately fucking all the fucking time. The word 'literally'. EVERYBODY USES THIS WORD ALL THE TIME. WHY WHY WHY? 'I literally walked to the shops and bought some milk'. So, you did walk to the shop and you did buy milk? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING LITERALLY. 'I literally just arrived'. So you just arrived, did you? Yes I fucking thought so. You people deserve more than death.
Literally.
Friday 22 July 2011
People that annoy me.
Hello and welcome back to my blog. In todays edition I'll be giving an insight into 3 people who really really really get on my tits. These will be given in order, with the final person winning the award of 'most annoying dickhead I know'.
In third place, it's a duo award, taken by Jedward. I have never, apart from maybe Chico, seen such a talentless, piss poor musical act actually succeed and gain popularity. They make the Cheeky Girls look like The Beatles. They make Rebecca Black look like Leona Lewis. They make Justin Beiber look like Michael fucking Jackson. How are they popular? They cannot sing, they look like massive dickheads with their hair stuck up in a gigant 'look at me I'm a massive cock from Ireland' and they have the shittest, most annoying personalities ever. If they were normal guys who were taking the piss I would respect them. But they are geniunely fucking bell ends both on and off screen. DIE.
In second place, Katie Price. How is she popular? She looks like a plastic person and she is constantly showing her horrible fake botoxed face on every fucking TV channel on the planet. 'Katies big adventure: episode one. Katie strains to shit out a sandwich she ate last week'. WHO THE FUCK IS WATCHING THIS. Somebody must be. "Oh no, I'd never get married". She then gets married twice. Poor guys. I would feel for Peter Andre for putting up with this sickening pile of shit but its his own fault for marrying it. WHat the fuck was he thinking?
In first place, and taking the title as the biggest cock in the world, the one and only David Cameron. Nick Clegg also takes a special mention in this as he is permanently attached to David because he is constantly being taken from behind like a little bitch. I'm not sure where to start with this comedy duo. Tuition fees? For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, this is roughly what happened in the UK.
Pre election:
Nick Clegg: WE ARE LIB DEMS AND WE SHALL ABOLISH TUITION FEES
Dave Cameron: We are the Conservatives and we may raise fees, possibly.
Gordon Brown: We are Labour and we won't raise tuition fees that much.
Student: Well, no brainer, I'll vote for Clegg.
Post election, Lib Dem/Con coalition government.
David Cameron: We are tripling tuition fees guys.
Nick Clegg: Er hang on a mo.
Dave: We're raising the fees.
Nick: Yes master, please can I lick your shoes and eat your shit master? Please master?
Student: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
So there we have it.
P.S. Hope the Norwegian followers and family are all OK in Oslo.
Keep smilin'.
In third place, it's a duo award, taken by Jedward. I have never, apart from maybe Chico, seen such a talentless, piss poor musical act actually succeed and gain popularity. They make the Cheeky Girls look like The Beatles. They make Rebecca Black look like Leona Lewis. They make Justin Beiber look like Michael fucking Jackson. How are they popular? They cannot sing, they look like massive dickheads with their hair stuck up in a gigant 'look at me I'm a massive cock from Ireland' and they have the shittest, most annoying personalities ever. If they were normal guys who were taking the piss I would respect them. But they are geniunely fucking bell ends both on and off screen. DIE.
In second place, Katie Price. How is she popular? She looks like a plastic person and she is constantly showing her horrible fake botoxed face on every fucking TV channel on the planet. 'Katies big adventure: episode one. Katie strains to shit out a sandwich she ate last week'. WHO THE FUCK IS WATCHING THIS. Somebody must be. "Oh no, I'd never get married". She then gets married twice. Poor guys. I would feel for Peter Andre for putting up with this sickening pile of shit but its his own fault for marrying it. WHat the fuck was he thinking?
In first place, and taking the title as the biggest cock in the world, the one and only David Cameron. Nick Clegg also takes a special mention in this as he is permanently attached to David because he is constantly being taken from behind like a little bitch. I'm not sure where to start with this comedy duo. Tuition fees? For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, this is roughly what happened in the UK.
Pre election:
Nick Clegg: WE ARE LIB DEMS AND WE SHALL ABOLISH TUITION FEES
Dave Cameron: We are the Conservatives and we may raise fees, possibly.
Gordon Brown: We are Labour and we won't raise tuition fees that much.
Student: Well, no brainer, I'll vote for Clegg.
Post election, Lib Dem/Con coalition government.
David Cameron: We are tripling tuition fees guys.
Nick Clegg: Er hang on a mo.
Dave: We're raising the fees.
Nick: Yes master, please can I lick your shoes and eat your shit master? Please master?
Student: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
So there we have it.
P.S. Hope the Norwegian followers and family are all OK in Oslo.
Keep smilin'.
Tuesday 19 July 2011
Things that pissed me off about NORWAY.
Don't get me wrong, Norway was a great place. The scenery was amazing, the people were, generally speaking, friendly, and the country was just a nice place to be. I spent time up on the Nigardsbreen and Fabergstolsbreen glaciers, and although Nigardsbreen was close to a campsite, Faber was completely remote. We lived, slept, ate and shat in one area. It was quite an experience. But the things that raised my anger levels during the trip...
MOSQUITOS. By far and above the most annoying thing in the entire trip. I was bitten easily 100+ times by these irritating little shits. They aren't even clever or fast, so it is easy to kill them, but THEY ARE SO FUCKING BITEY. By the end of the trip I was using a lighter on mosquitos landing on my leg not giving a fuck about burning myself because I wanted these flying fucking terror insects of death to suffer as I had suffered. I got a few of them and felt delighted to have become the Fred West of mosquitos before another trio of the bastards landed and sucked the life out of my calves. They are one of the most annoying, pointless, shitty things to walk this earth and if they died out tomorrow, NOBODY would miss them. They are pointless. FUUUUUUUUUUUU.
The second thing that pissed me off - money. WHY WHY WHY is everything so expensive in Norway?! I walked into a shop and it was over 100NOK (£10) for LESS THAN A KILO of cheese. Fucking CHEESE. It wasn't just cheese, everything was expensive as fuck. A group of us went into a pub and were charged £7-8 for HALF A PINT of lager which ended up tasting like piss anyway. What the actual fuck Norway? I now understand why the Norwegians are healthy and not fat like the UK and US. They can't afford to eat and drink as much as we do because everything is so FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Get your fucking act together guys. You're not living.
GERMAN FUCKING TOURISTS. They were there in their millions and we fucking knew about them. 'OH HALLO DERR ENGLISHMAN I AM DRIVING ZE VELLY BIG CARAVAN MOTORHOME AND I DRIVE IT VELLY VAST TOVARDS YOU NOT GIVING EIN SINGLE GLANCE OUT OF MEIN VINDO'. I was mown down by these fucking morons nearly every day, with stupid grinning faces and hairy faces (and those were just the women). They would drive up to a landmark or glacier, wind down the window, not even get out of the car, take one photo then back up and fuck off in their tanks. Thanks for being the shittest most irritating tourists I've ever seen.
Adsense now works! :)
Be happy everybody.
MOSQUITOS. By far and above the most annoying thing in the entire trip. I was bitten easily 100+ times by these irritating little shits. They aren't even clever or fast, so it is easy to kill them, but THEY ARE SO FUCKING BITEY. By the end of the trip I was using a lighter on mosquitos landing on my leg not giving a fuck about burning myself because I wanted these flying fucking terror insects of death to suffer as I had suffered. I got a few of them and felt delighted to have become the Fred West of mosquitos before another trio of the bastards landed and sucked the life out of my calves. They are one of the most annoying, pointless, shitty things to walk this earth and if they died out tomorrow, NOBODY would miss them. They are pointless. FUUUUUUUUUUUU.
The second thing that pissed me off - money. WHY WHY WHY is everything so expensive in Norway?! I walked into a shop and it was over 100NOK (£10) for LESS THAN A KILO of cheese. Fucking CHEESE. It wasn't just cheese, everything was expensive as fuck. A group of us went into a pub and were charged £7-8 for HALF A PINT of lager which ended up tasting like piss anyway. What the actual fuck Norway? I now understand why the Norwegians are healthy and not fat like the UK and US. They can't afford to eat and drink as much as we do because everything is so FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Get your fucking act together guys. You're not living.
GERMAN FUCKING TOURISTS. They were there in their millions and we fucking knew about them. 'OH HALLO DERR ENGLISHMAN I AM DRIVING ZE VELLY BIG CARAVAN MOTORHOME AND I DRIVE IT VELLY VAST TOVARDS YOU NOT GIVING EIN SINGLE GLANCE OUT OF MEIN VINDO'. I was mown down by these fucking morons nearly every day, with stupid grinning faces and hairy faces (and those were just the women). They would drive up to a landmark or glacier, wind down the window, not even get out of the car, take one photo then back up and fuck off in their tanks. Thanks for being the shittest most irritating tourists I've ever seen.
Adsense now works! :)
Be happy everybody.
Saturday 16 July 2011
I'm back!
Sorry for the downtime, I've been away doing academic research in Norway. Shitting in a hole, bathing in a river of glacial meltwater, many rage moments were had. A special edition NorwayRage post will come in the next few days.
On a related note, does anyone know when Adsense actually activate accounts? Mine has been pending for weeks. ALL MY RAGE.
Keep smilin'.
On a related note, does anyone know when Adsense actually activate accounts? Mine has been pending for weeks. ALL MY RAGE.
Keep smilin'.
Saturday 25 June 2011
A list of 5 things that get on my wick.
Just a few things that really grind my gears.
1. People that use the entire pavement (sidewalk) to trundle along slower than a slug. Don't mind me, it's not like I have a life to lead. Do these people do this on purpose? Did I somehow offend them without knowing, and their idea of retribution is walking in front of me, weaving slightly side to side to side so I essentially come to a standstill because of their retardedness? Have I offended a higher power, and he punishes me each day by making me waste half my free time standing behind one of his minions, waddling along like a special needs penguin? Why? WHY? GET OUT OF THE WAY. One of these days I will dropkick somebody in the back of the head. It's not difficult, walk on one side, walk at a decent pace, if somebody is behind you and CLEARLY in a hurry/faster, fucking move. Christs sake.
2. People who feel the need to tell you about every single thing that goes on in their life via Facebook/Twitter. It sounds hypocritical writing this on a blog, but my posts don't consist of:
Grace is having a poo @home (10 minutes ago).
Grace woo, finished my poo! (7 minutes ago).
Grace think I still have a bit of poo inside. (4 minutes ago).
Grace is having a poo @home. (2 minutes ago).
GET OFF THE FUCKING INTERNET. I don't give a shit (hurr) what you're doing. Facebook should be limited to 1-2 posts per day and should consist of IMPORTANT things, or at least things more interesting than your bowel movements. Thanks for clogging up my entire wall with moronisms. These people should not be allowed to use the internet until they can control their urge to tell everybody about the smallest, inane happenings of their lives.
3. Being a regular gym user (3-4 times a week), I often come across people or things that irritate me. A future blog is going to be focused completely on gym stories. But none irritate more so than the 'half arser'. The 'half arser' is a key component of any gym and it appears to be a legal requirement that every gym must have, any all times, at least one half arser in occupation. The half arser is easily spotted. He/she is the person sat on the bikes with a magazine, looking bored, not sweating in the slightest. Walk past one of these people and you'll pretty much always see the resistance or difficulty is minimum. After about 20-30 minutes of moving their legs around, the half arser will often move onto other weights. And yep, you guessed it. Minimal weights, no resistance, no real effort. After about half an hour of this facade, the half arser will wipe some non-existant sweat off his/her head and head home, blatently dying to tell all his/her friends about how often they 'work out'. If you're a half arser, you may as well stay at home and lift the remote a few times. It'll be cheaper and you won't hog the machines for people who want to do real exercise. Jog on.
4. Keith Lemon. Everybody loves him, but I have no idea why. He's a loud, unfunny bastard. I'm aware he's a fictional character and it is a front but it's a terrible one. He just isn't funny. Why is he constantly shouting and talking in a moronic voice? And now he's been moved to the mainstream channels where his annoying squealing stupid voice pierces my eardrums weekly. I don't understand why he's popular, are the public really turning into herp derp simpletons who find a man acting like a pleb, and an unfunny pleb at that, hilarious? I just don't understand. Please stop being on TV you untalented, irritating sack of shit.
5. ppl hu tlk l1k3 dis lol. What the fuck. I can sort of understand if you shorten a word, such as 'u', I do this when I'm texting quickly. But sometimes people ADD LETTERS TO THE ORIGINAL WORD AND MAKE IT LONGER. Spelt wrong AND more letters. What the actual fuck. Do you want everyone to think that you're a retard? Do you want to come across as an uneducated, illiterate troll? Because that's what it looks like. Also, adding letters to the end of a word is not 'awesome' at all, it just makes you look like a 13 year old girl.
Keep smilin'.
1. People that use the entire pavement (sidewalk) to trundle along slower than a slug. Don't mind me, it's not like I have a life to lead. Do these people do this on purpose? Did I somehow offend them without knowing, and their idea of retribution is walking in front of me, weaving slightly side to side to side so I essentially come to a standstill because of their retardedness? Have I offended a higher power, and he punishes me each day by making me waste half my free time standing behind one of his minions, waddling along like a special needs penguin? Why? WHY? GET OUT OF THE WAY. One of these days I will dropkick somebody in the back of the head. It's not difficult, walk on one side, walk at a decent pace, if somebody is behind you and CLEARLY in a hurry/faster, fucking move. Christs sake.
2. People who feel the need to tell you about every single thing that goes on in their life via Facebook/Twitter. It sounds hypocritical writing this on a blog, but my posts don't consist of:
Grace is having a poo @home (10 minutes ago).
Grace woo, finished my poo! (7 minutes ago).
Grace think I still have a bit of poo inside. (4 minutes ago).
Grace is having a poo @home. (2 minutes ago).
GET OFF THE FUCKING INTERNET. I don't give a shit (hurr) what you're doing. Facebook should be limited to 1-2 posts per day and should consist of IMPORTANT things, or at least things more interesting than your bowel movements. Thanks for clogging up my entire wall with moronisms. These people should not be allowed to use the internet until they can control their urge to tell everybody about the smallest, inane happenings of their lives.
3. Being a regular gym user (3-4 times a week), I often come across people or things that irritate me. A future blog is going to be focused completely on gym stories. But none irritate more so than the 'half arser'. The 'half arser' is a key component of any gym and it appears to be a legal requirement that every gym must have, any all times, at least one half arser in occupation. The half arser is easily spotted. He/she is the person sat on the bikes with a magazine, looking bored, not sweating in the slightest. Walk past one of these people and you'll pretty much always see the resistance or difficulty is minimum. After about 20-30 minutes of moving their legs around, the half arser will often move onto other weights. And yep, you guessed it. Minimal weights, no resistance, no real effort. After about half an hour of this facade, the half arser will wipe some non-existant sweat off his/her head and head home, blatently dying to tell all his/her friends about how often they 'work out'. If you're a half arser, you may as well stay at home and lift the remote a few times. It'll be cheaper and you won't hog the machines for people who want to do real exercise. Jog on.
4. Keith Lemon. Everybody loves him, but I have no idea why. He's a loud, unfunny bastard. I'm aware he's a fictional character and it is a front but it's a terrible one. He just isn't funny. Why is he constantly shouting and talking in a moronic voice? And now he's been moved to the mainstream channels where his annoying squealing stupid voice pierces my eardrums weekly. I don't understand why he's popular, are the public really turning into herp derp simpletons who find a man acting like a pleb, and an unfunny pleb at that, hilarious? I just don't understand. Please stop being on TV you untalented, irritating sack of shit.
5. ppl hu tlk l1k3 dis lol. What the fuck. I can sort of understand if you shorten a word, such as 'u', I do this when I'm texting quickly. But sometimes people ADD LETTERS TO THE ORIGINAL WORD AND MAKE IT LONGER. Spelt wrong AND more letters. What the actual fuck. Do you want everyone to think that you're a retard? Do you want to come across as an uneducated, illiterate troll? Because that's what it looks like. Also, adding letters to the end of a word is not 'awesome' at all, it just makes you look like a 13 year old girl.
Keep smilin'.
Friday 24 June 2011
Welcome
Welcome to my new blog where I vent my frustrations at various things, both internet based and real life. I'll try my best to be funny with this and entertain everybody as best I can, this is for the amusement of all.
I'm not a typically angry guy, quite laid back, I'd say. But there are just certain triggers in life that can just made my head implode with rage, even if on the outside I maintain my cool, sophisticated expression.
You should see over the coming bloggings what rages me, and I hope you enjoy one mans constant battle to avoid killing somebody through pure unadulterated fury.
I'm not a typically angry guy, quite laid back, I'd say. But there are just certain triggers in life that can just made my head implode with rage, even if on the outside I maintain my cool, sophisticated expression.
You should see over the coming bloggings what rages me, and I hope you enjoy one mans constant battle to avoid killing somebody through pure unadulterated fury.
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