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Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Sorry about the delay

As well as becoming 21 years of age, I've also had to deal with job applications, interviews and inductions as well as trying to do my thesis/dissertation!

I'll post soon. Promise.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Back from Italy!

Jet setting around Europe once again, I'm back from a week in Naples, Italy. The next post (sometime tonight/tomorrow) will be all about Naples. Maybe an overview of the 4 countries I've visited this year (Turkey, Italy, Spain and Norway). Maybe.

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Back at uni and back to blogging.

Sorry about my absence loyal followers, I have been busy trying to keep a lovely lady happy, get a tan, get a degree and break drinking records in a very short space of time, so that is why I have been mysteriously silent.

Anyhow, back to business.... Today's blog will be about UNIVERSITY.

There are not many things I dislike about university if I'm honest. I love the degree I do (Geography and Natural Hazard Management... effectively looking at stuff blowing up and talking about what to do when it blows up), have many great friends and have an excuse to drink heavily every week. But some things are not so good.

Things like the scheduling of lectures by an inconsiderate chimp in an office somewhere. I have an entire week free but you decide I would find it really handy having a lecture at 9am on a Monday morning. Or at a stupid time like 7PM in the evening. Why do you feel the need to drag my out of bed at that UNGODLY hour? I have a cynical theory that the person who designs the timetables has a private vendetta against me. It sounds paranoid but it's the only feasible explanation as to why I have been given lectures at stupid times consistently for 3 years. Why not a reasonable time like 1PM? No, it's much funnier getting up at 8AM, clambering into a freezing cold broken shower in a house with rarely activated central heating. Much funnier.

Having to go to lectures you blatently don't need to attend because the lecturer is an incompetant, dull, lazy moron who simply reads out the various bulletpoints in a powerpoint presentation in a morbid, time-stretching, suicide-considering tone whilst vaguely gesturing into thin air and providing no real information whatsoever. If I stayed at home and downloaded the Powerpoint, I would know just as much as I gained from the lecture. In fact, I'd probably know more as I would fully read the presentation whereas by the 3rd slide in a lecture, I have normally lost interest and decided to daydream about executions, torture and other justifications.

People who wait until the last second of a lecture to ask a banal question requiring a huge, dull, time-ebbing answer. I think you can assume when everybody has packed away their belongings, they are ready to go and don't really care what the answer to your irrelevant question is. Save it until everybody has gone and ask when the session has ended if you're really dying to know the answer. Or ask during a presentation. Not 0.1 milliseconds before everybody is allowed to stand up, therefore keeping everybody sat in the sweatbox lecture theatre 10 minutes more than necessary. I've spent 4 hours sat down, please shut the fuck up and let me go home.

Monday, 3 October 2011

Back from holiday

But back at university, so posts may be irregular. I'll do my best to keep the rage flowing.

Any ideas for topics? Open to all suggestions.


Tuesday, 30 August 2011

I can only apologise...

...about my long absence. As well as being a gigantic moron I've been busy with lifting, sport, women and other things. I'll post again before Thursday. On Thursday I'll be going to Brighton for a night out.

Overly camp people beware.

Friday, 19 August 2011

The gym

Afternoon loyal followers,

Just had a bowl of tuna mayo before I hit the gym and thought it would be poetic to write a rage post on things that annoy me in the gym, just before I go... to the gym.

My gym has a pitiful 10% of it's area dedicated to free weights, with only a freaking Smith Machine and 30 or so Dumbells. The rest of the gym is filled with shitty isolation machines that aren't much use for anyone who isn't doing rehab training, a few cardio machines and half a fucking room dedicated to some 'post workout warm down massage machine' set up which may as well be called the 'ROOM FULL OF BULLSHIT'. The sad thing is, people actually use these machines in the belief that they are 'cooling down' and 'toning'. They are placebo machines, they do not burn fat. For a start, there is NO SUCH THING as spot reduction. So it doesn't matter how many times the machine moves your arms up and down, it will not suddenly make those rubbery bingo wings disappear. If you want to lose weight, you need to change your diet and lose OVERALL body fat %. This is the ONLY way to lose weight on any area, you need to lower OVERALL body fat. Ever see someone with horrible fat legs and arms but a shiny 6 pack? No, because spot reduction is a MYTH.

People who bang the weights do my nut in. Fair enough, if the weight is heavy and you are really struggling, drop it, it's understandable. I don't want to sound like a Planet Fitness fanboy (I'm British, not American, but the legend of the Lunk Alarm has reached my ears), but dropping weights simply to show everybody that you've been lifting a particular weight is just moronic. I don't give a shit whether you've just been curling 1kg or 100kg, I'm busy doing my own exercises. But no, you feel the need to irritate the fuck out of me. *BANG* "Herp derp herpy derpy lookie here I just leefted this weight, lowered it to within 2cm of the ground then dropped it so people look over hur hur huuuuur".

The shitty music they put on at the gym. I can only assume it's for the cardio bunnies who are bored moving their legs around against minimal resistance on the exercise bikes, not even coming close to being out of breath or sweating. When I'm lifting heavy weights I don't want stupid Cheeky Girls or fucking Katy Perry in the background. Put something energetic on. I hate metal but it would be better than that shit they play now. If it was upto me I would play the screams of dying men over and over and over on the speakers to frighten the people out of the gym who simply go for the novelty of telling friends they 'work out'. When 'working out' consists of cycling on the exercise bike at 1 resistance for 15 minutes whilst reading OK magazine. Fuck off.

Oh and another thing. People who sweat ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. How are you producing so much sweat? I walk over to benchpress and the entire bench is covered in warm, sticky sweat from the last flubbermonster who was here. I love getting a good pump on and sweating whilst I'm lifting but I have the decency to wipe down all the equipment with a towel once I'm done with it. But no, we get Hairy McSweatbuckets pouring his reeking sweat over every single fucking item in the gym before moving on. Is it SO FUCKING DIFFICULT? Wipe down, you disgusting mess. I don't want to sit down and slide off the bench because you've apparently pissed yourself or something. Must be piss because no freak alive would sweat that fucking much.

Fuck this, off to the gym.

Sunday, 14 August 2011

New layout

Welcome to the new layout. It's alright. I think it shows my sensitive side well.

New rage post shall be arriving tonight or tomorrow. Or possibly later. I don't know. All I know is that it will be angry. Very. Fucking. Angry.