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Thursday, 11 August 2011

Things that piss me off about footballers (diving)

Sorry for the downtime folks I've been busy, out and about.

Anywho, welcome to todays edition of Raging Time where this edition will be all about FOOTBALL, and footballers diving in particular. At this point, I should point out I am talking about PROPER football, not the funny egg game played by Americans in fat suits. You know, rugby with lots of padding. That one. It's not that. It's FOOTBALL. I'm not saying football is manlier than American Football. But Rugby is.

Football is my favourite sport, both to watch and play. But some things footballers do just make me want to pack the sport in altogether.

Diving/being a weak bastard. See Ronaldo/entire Arsenal team. What the fuck are you doing? As soon as they get a little tap on the ankle then throw themselves to the floor like a fucking ragdoll, giving off screams gutwrenching enough to scare local children away. They then precede to spend the next 5 minutes either holding the 'injured' area and wincing in pain with a look that suggests a bullet may have just blasted through the injured players ball sack or lying limp and lifeless on the floor, apparently dead. Within about half a second of the physio arriving on the field, the player then HEROICALLY hauls himself to his feet. He's such a strong, brave guy. He then limps off the pitch at about half a millimeter an hour, dragging his feet behind him in a scene reminiscent of any old war film, we'll say Saving Private Ryan for reference. After finally hauling his bleeding aching corpse across the pitch, he then promptly falls to the ground before whispering a few words to the physio, probably along the lines of 'that guy in the crowd sure looks pissed off at my Oscar worthy performance just there don't he hur'. The physio then pulls out the fabled MAGIC SPRAY. It's a simple aerosol can spraying mist, but when applied to the wounded and lifeless limb of the 'injured' player, it becomes magical. One the magical spray is administered, the wounded man suddenly leaps to his feet, stretches out his leg, gives one final pretend wince and then signals to the referee. 'Yes, referee. I am strong. I will man through this intense pain and carry on'. Within 30 seconds of returning to the play, the same player receives another light touch and heads for the grass once more. And so the cycle resumes.



  1. Havent you seen Space Jam? Magical beverages and sprays exist...they HAVE to exist :(
    Also, you forgot to add Di Maria, he doesnt play in the EPL, but he along with C Ronaldo are probably 2 of the most annoying divers i've seen.

  2. sadly this is tactical playing but you are right, i hate that too

  3. They seriously have a spray with water? :P Wow. It's like theater.

  4. Completely agree, I just stopped watching Italian football, it started to look more like ballet. -_-

  5. I hate it when players do this. Is it so hard to just play the bloody game without any interupptions?

  6. that's called theatricallity (is this a word?)
    and we brazillians are experts on this =D

  7. I don't even watch any type of sports, I don't get the appeal. :(