The gym

Afternoon loyal followers,

Just had a bowl of tuna mayo before I hit the gym and thought it would be poetic to write a rage post on things that annoy me in the gym, just before I go... to the gym.

My gym has a pitiful 10% of it's area dedicated to free weights, with only a freaking Smith Machine and 30 or so Dumbells. The rest of the gym is filled with shitty isolation machines that aren't much use for anyone who isn't doing rehab training, a few cardio machines and half a fucking room dedicated to some 'post workout warm down massage machine' set up which may as well be called the 'ROOM FULL OF BULLSHIT'. The sad thing is, people actually use these machines in the belief that they are 'cooling down' and 'toning'. They are placebo machines, they do not burn fat. For a start, there is NO SUCH THING as spot reduction. So it doesn't matter how many times the machine moves your arms up and down, it will not suddenly make those rubbery bingo wings disappear. If you want to lose weight, you need to change your diet and lose OVERALL body fat %. This is the ONLY way to lose weight on any area, you need to lower OVERALL body fat. Ever see someone with horrible fat legs and arms but a shiny 6 pack? No, because spot reduction is a MYTH.

People who bang the weights do my nut in. Fair enough, if the weight is heavy and you are really struggling, drop it, it's understandable. I don't want to sound like a Planet Fitness fanboy (I'm British, not American, but the legend of the Lunk Alarm has reached my ears), but dropping weights simply to show everybody that you've been lifting a particular weight is just moronic. I don't give a shit whether you've just been curling 1kg or 100kg, I'm busy doing my own exercises. But no, you feel the need to irritate the fuck out of me. *BANG* "Herp derp herpy derpy lookie here I just leefted this weight, lowered it to within 2cm of the ground then dropped it so people look over hur hur huuuuur".

The shitty music they put on at the gym. I can only assume it's for the cardio bunnies who are bored moving their legs around against minimal resistance on the exercise bikes, not even coming close to being out of breath or sweating. When I'm lifting heavy weights I don't want stupid Cheeky Girls or fucking Katy Perry in the background. Put something energetic on. I hate metal but it would be better than that shit they play now. If it was upto me I would play the screams of dying men over and over and over on the speakers to frighten the people out of the gym who simply go for the novelty of telling friends they 'work out'. When 'working out' consists of cycling on the exercise bike at 1 resistance for 15 minutes whilst reading OK magazine. Fuck off.

Oh and another thing. People who sweat ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. How are you producing so much sweat? I walk over to benchpress and the entire bench is covered in warm, sticky sweat from the last flubbermonster who was here. I love getting a good pump on and sweating whilst I'm lifting but I have the decency to wipe down all the equipment with a towel once I'm done with it. But no, we get Hairy McSweatbuckets pouring his reeking sweat over every single fucking item in the gym before moving on. Is it SO FUCKING DIFFICULT? Wipe down, you disgusting mess. I don't want to sit down and slide off the bench because you've apparently pissed yourself or something. Must be piss because no freak alive would sweat that fucking much.

Fuck this, off to the gym.