As promised, tonights bumper 'I want to go to bed despite it only being midnight and I am nocturnal but I need to stay up and write a blog' edition of Raging Time.
Todays special features is:
Gaming: Things that I want to watch burn and die a horrible death.
I know I'll have sympathy with this one from people across the world. Every game type has them. Every single one. Be it MMO, FPS, RPG, whatever. You will always, always, always have a preteen screaming down the microphone or typing furiously with his tiny spider hands the stupidest, inane shit. 'OMG U HAXED DAT MAN'. 'CHEETER'. They cannot stand to be beaten. They cannot be humble, they cannot SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. For one fucking second. When not slurping on pepsi and chomping on sugar cubes, they spend the entire gaming session typing with incredible speed and offering the most banal, irrelevant, boring shit comments as though everybody wants to hear what they have to say. 'I LVLED UP GAIS'. I don't care, little Tommy. I just want to play my game without my eyes/ears being ruined by stupid comments and a voice which is so high pitched my dog farts and ejaculates in surprise. I propose a ban on computer games until the age of 16, minimum. Or at least a gagging order. A super injunction against these pointless bastards.
My next gripe is when game producers release an unfinished game. What is the point? Seriously? I'm paying £45.99 to put a disk into my PS3 and stare at a 'update needed' screen for the next few weeks. Sort out the bugs and the glitches BEFORE release. The amount of glitches and bugs in some games that are released are unbelievable, it's like a fucking alpha version, not even a beta release. Make the game good and THEN fucking release it. I don't mind waiting an extra month to have a good game rather than spend 6 months playing one that is constantly getting a little bit better bit by fucking bit.
Similarly, I despise the companies (I'M LOOKINGA AT YOU EA SPORTS) that release the same game OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN. Take Fifa 09/10/11. There is NO FUCKING CHANGE. The graphics are the same. The chants the same. You've updated a few kits and player names/transfers. Well fucking done. You have a year to work on this, make it a little bit different. I'm paying £30-40 for what is basically a fucking upgrade because the fucking game never even changes. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR? Jesus Christ.
Thursday 28 July 2011
New post coming up tonight.
Just got back from a friends, where I've been for a few days.
Never fear, a new post will be up sometime this evening.
Any ideas for topics for me to discuss?
Never fear, a new post will be up sometime this evening.
Any ideas for topics for me to discuss?
Saturday 23 July 2011
Sayings and words
Evening followers, welcome to todays entry entitled 'Sayings and words' a post in which I list a mere few of the sayings and words which raise my temperature and get me punching newborn children.
Business sayings. Things like 'In the loop'. Things like 'brainstorming'. Things like 'moving forward' and 'pushing the envelope'. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. YOU APPEAR TO BE USING ENGLISH BUT YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY FUCKING SENSE. Somebody surely sits in an office all day thinking of these moronisms, parrotted in offices throughout the globe. I propose a contraption be made which is strapped to the groin of every office worker in the world. If a single nonsensical phrase or word is used, a swift punch to the bollocks from said contraption follows. This would soon eradicate this criminal abuse of English.
Americanisms. Sorry to the US followers, but some words and sayings that have been invented across the Atlantic should never have been allowed to leave. I've 'gotten' something. You've what? Gotten? What the fuck is this shit? That is not a word, it's a lazy way of saying you have received something. Another one is 'You do the Math'. It's Maths. As in MATHematicS. Why is this so difficult to grasp!? The final Americanism has got to be this. PERIOD. Why do some people insist on writing this after every point as though it suddenly gives said point irrefutable validity. I know there is a full stop/period because it's there at the end of the sentence. It's a dot at the end. You don't need to fucking tell me it's the end of the sentence.
These, however, pale into insignificant when compared with the following word, used inappropriately fucking all the fucking time. The word 'literally'. EVERYBODY USES THIS WORD ALL THE TIME. WHY WHY WHY? 'I literally walked to the shops and bought some milk'. So, you did walk to the shop and you did buy milk? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING LITERALLY. 'I literally just arrived'. So you just arrived, did you? Yes I fucking thought so. You people deserve more than death.
Literally.
Business sayings. Things like 'In the loop'. Things like 'brainstorming'. Things like 'moving forward' and 'pushing the envelope'. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. YOU APPEAR TO BE USING ENGLISH BUT YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY FUCKING SENSE. Somebody surely sits in an office all day thinking of these moronisms, parrotted in offices throughout the globe. I propose a contraption be made which is strapped to the groin of every office worker in the world. If a single nonsensical phrase or word is used, a swift punch to the bollocks from said contraption follows. This would soon eradicate this criminal abuse of English.
Americanisms. Sorry to the US followers, but some words and sayings that have been invented across the Atlantic should never have been allowed to leave. I've 'gotten' something. You've what? Gotten? What the fuck is this shit? That is not a word, it's a lazy way of saying you have received something. Another one is 'You do the Math'. It's Maths. As in MATHematicS. Why is this so difficult to grasp!? The final Americanism has got to be this. PERIOD. Why do some people insist on writing this after every point as though it suddenly gives said point irrefutable validity. I know there is a full stop/period because it's there at the end of the sentence. It's a dot at the end. You don't need to fucking tell me it's the end of the sentence.
These, however, pale into insignificant when compared with the following word, used inappropriately fucking all the fucking time. The word 'literally'. EVERYBODY USES THIS WORD ALL THE TIME. WHY WHY WHY? 'I literally walked to the shops and bought some milk'. So, you did walk to the shop and you did buy milk? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING LITERALLY. 'I literally just arrived'. So you just arrived, did you? Yes I fucking thought so. You people deserve more than death.
Literally.
Friday 22 July 2011
People that annoy me.
Hello and welcome back to my blog. In todays edition I'll be giving an insight into 3 people who really really really get on my tits. These will be given in order, with the final person winning the award of 'most annoying dickhead I know'.
In third place, it's a duo award, taken by Jedward. I have never, apart from maybe Chico, seen such a talentless, piss poor musical act actually succeed and gain popularity. They make the Cheeky Girls look like The Beatles. They make Rebecca Black look like Leona Lewis. They make Justin Beiber look like Michael fucking Jackson. How are they popular? They cannot sing, they look like massive dickheads with their hair stuck up in a gigant 'look at me I'm a massive cock from Ireland' and they have the shittest, most annoying personalities ever. If they were normal guys who were taking the piss I would respect them. But they are geniunely fucking bell ends both on and off screen. DIE.
In second place, Katie Price. How is she popular? She looks like a plastic person and she is constantly showing her horrible fake botoxed face on every fucking TV channel on the planet. 'Katies big adventure: episode one. Katie strains to shit out a sandwich she ate last week'. WHO THE FUCK IS WATCHING THIS. Somebody must be. "Oh no, I'd never get married". She then gets married twice. Poor guys. I would feel for Peter Andre for putting up with this sickening pile of shit but its his own fault for marrying it. WHat the fuck was he thinking?
In first place, and taking the title as the biggest cock in the world, the one and only David Cameron. Nick Clegg also takes a special mention in this as he is permanently attached to David because he is constantly being taken from behind like a little bitch. I'm not sure where to start with this comedy duo. Tuition fees? For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, this is roughly what happened in the UK.
Pre election:
Nick Clegg: WE ARE LIB DEMS AND WE SHALL ABOLISH TUITION FEES
Dave Cameron: We are the Conservatives and we may raise fees, possibly.
Gordon Brown: We are Labour and we won't raise tuition fees that much.
Student: Well, no brainer, I'll vote for Clegg.
Post election, Lib Dem/Con coalition government.
David Cameron: We are tripling tuition fees guys.
Nick Clegg: Er hang on a mo.
Dave: We're raising the fees.
Nick: Yes master, please can I lick your shoes and eat your shit master? Please master?
Student: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
So there we have it.
P.S. Hope the Norwegian followers and family are all OK in Oslo.
Keep smilin'.
In third place, it's a duo award, taken by Jedward. I have never, apart from maybe Chico, seen such a talentless, piss poor musical act actually succeed and gain popularity. They make the Cheeky Girls look like The Beatles. They make Rebecca Black look like Leona Lewis. They make Justin Beiber look like Michael fucking Jackson. How are they popular? They cannot sing, they look like massive dickheads with their hair stuck up in a gigant 'look at me I'm a massive cock from Ireland' and they have the shittest, most annoying personalities ever. If they were normal guys who were taking the piss I would respect them. But they are geniunely fucking bell ends both on and off screen. DIE.
In second place, Katie Price. How is she popular? She looks like a plastic person and she is constantly showing her horrible fake botoxed face on every fucking TV channel on the planet. 'Katies big adventure: episode one. Katie strains to shit out a sandwich she ate last week'. WHO THE FUCK IS WATCHING THIS. Somebody must be. "Oh no, I'd never get married". She then gets married twice. Poor guys. I would feel for Peter Andre for putting up with this sickening pile of shit but its his own fault for marrying it. WHat the fuck was he thinking?
In first place, and taking the title as the biggest cock in the world, the one and only David Cameron. Nick Clegg also takes a special mention in this as he is permanently attached to David because he is constantly being taken from behind like a little bitch. I'm not sure where to start with this comedy duo. Tuition fees? For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, this is roughly what happened in the UK.
Pre election:
Nick Clegg: WE ARE LIB DEMS AND WE SHALL ABOLISH TUITION FEES
Dave Cameron: We are the Conservatives and we may raise fees, possibly.
Gordon Brown: We are Labour and we won't raise tuition fees that much.
Student: Well, no brainer, I'll vote for Clegg.
Post election, Lib Dem/Con coalition government.
David Cameron: We are tripling tuition fees guys.
Nick Clegg: Er hang on a mo.
Dave: We're raising the fees.
Nick: Yes master, please can I lick your shoes and eat your shit master? Please master?
Student: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
So there we have it.
P.S. Hope the Norwegian followers and family are all OK in Oslo.
Keep smilin'.
Tuesday 19 July 2011
Things that pissed me off about NORWAY.
Don't get me wrong, Norway was a great place. The scenery was amazing, the people were, generally speaking, friendly, and the country was just a nice place to be. I spent time up on the Nigardsbreen and Fabergstolsbreen glaciers, and although Nigardsbreen was close to a campsite, Faber was completely remote. We lived, slept, ate and shat in one area. It was quite an experience. But the things that raised my anger levels during the trip...
MOSQUITOS. By far and above the most annoying thing in the entire trip. I was bitten easily 100+ times by these irritating little shits. They aren't even clever or fast, so it is easy to kill them, but THEY ARE SO FUCKING BITEY. By the end of the trip I was using a lighter on mosquitos landing on my leg not giving a fuck about burning myself because I wanted these flying fucking terror insects of death to suffer as I had suffered. I got a few of them and felt delighted to have become the Fred West of mosquitos before another trio of the bastards landed and sucked the life out of my calves. They are one of the most annoying, pointless, shitty things to walk this earth and if they died out tomorrow, NOBODY would miss them. They are pointless. FUUUUUUUUUUUU.
The second thing that pissed me off - money. WHY WHY WHY is everything so expensive in Norway?! I walked into a shop and it was over 100NOK (£10) for LESS THAN A KILO of cheese. Fucking CHEESE. It wasn't just cheese, everything was expensive as fuck. A group of us went into a pub and were charged £7-8 for HALF A PINT of lager which ended up tasting like piss anyway. What the actual fuck Norway? I now understand why the Norwegians are healthy and not fat like the UK and US. They can't afford to eat and drink as much as we do because everything is so FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Get your fucking act together guys. You're not living.
GERMAN FUCKING TOURISTS. They were there in their millions and we fucking knew about them. 'OH HALLO DERR ENGLISHMAN I AM DRIVING ZE VELLY BIG CARAVAN MOTORHOME AND I DRIVE IT VELLY VAST TOVARDS YOU NOT GIVING EIN SINGLE GLANCE OUT OF MEIN VINDO'. I was mown down by these fucking morons nearly every day, with stupid grinning faces and hairy faces (and those were just the women). They would drive up to a landmark or glacier, wind down the window, not even get out of the car, take one photo then back up and fuck off in their tanks. Thanks for being the shittest most irritating tourists I've ever seen.
Adsense now works! :)
Be happy everybody.
MOSQUITOS. By far and above the most annoying thing in the entire trip. I was bitten easily 100+ times by these irritating little shits. They aren't even clever or fast, so it is easy to kill them, but THEY ARE SO FUCKING BITEY. By the end of the trip I was using a lighter on mosquitos landing on my leg not giving a fuck about burning myself because I wanted these flying fucking terror insects of death to suffer as I had suffered. I got a few of them and felt delighted to have become the Fred West of mosquitos before another trio of the bastards landed and sucked the life out of my calves. They are one of the most annoying, pointless, shitty things to walk this earth and if they died out tomorrow, NOBODY would miss them. They are pointless. FUUUUUUUUUUUU.
The second thing that pissed me off - money. WHY WHY WHY is everything so expensive in Norway?! I walked into a shop and it was over 100NOK (£10) for LESS THAN A KILO of cheese. Fucking CHEESE. It wasn't just cheese, everything was expensive as fuck. A group of us went into a pub and were charged £7-8 for HALF A PINT of lager which ended up tasting like piss anyway. What the actual fuck Norway? I now understand why the Norwegians are healthy and not fat like the UK and US. They can't afford to eat and drink as much as we do because everything is so FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Get your fucking act together guys. You're not living.
GERMAN FUCKING TOURISTS. They were there in their millions and we fucking knew about them. 'OH HALLO DERR ENGLISHMAN I AM DRIVING ZE VELLY BIG CARAVAN MOTORHOME AND I DRIVE IT VELLY VAST TOVARDS YOU NOT GIVING EIN SINGLE GLANCE OUT OF MEIN VINDO'. I was mown down by these fucking morons nearly every day, with stupid grinning faces and hairy faces (and those were just the women). They would drive up to a landmark or glacier, wind down the window, not even get out of the car, take one photo then back up and fuck off in their tanks. Thanks for being the shittest most irritating tourists I've ever seen.
Adsense now works! :)
Be happy everybody.
Saturday 16 July 2011
I'm back!
Sorry for the downtime, I've been away doing academic research in Norway. Shitting in a hole, bathing in a river of glacial meltwater, many rage moments were had. A special edition NorwayRage post will come in the next few days.
On a related note, does anyone know when Adsense actually activate accounts? Mine has been pending for weeks. ALL MY RAGE.
Keep smilin'.
On a related note, does anyone know when Adsense actually activate accounts? Mine has been pending for weeks. ALL MY RAGE.
Keep smilin'.
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