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Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Things that pissed me off about NORWAY.

Don't get me wrong, Norway was a great place. The scenery was amazing, the people were, generally speaking, friendly, and the country was just a nice place to be. I spent time up on the Nigardsbreen and Fabergstolsbreen glaciers, and although Nigardsbreen was close to a campsite, Faber was completely remote. We lived, slept, ate and shat in one area. It was quite an experience. But the things that raised my anger levels during the trip...

MOSQUITOS. By far and above the most annoying thing in the entire trip. I was bitten easily 100+ times by these irritating little shits. They aren't even clever or fast, so it is easy to kill them, but THEY ARE SO FUCKING BITEY. By the end of the trip I was using a lighter on mosquitos landing on my leg not giving a fuck about burning myself because I wanted these flying fucking terror insects of death to suffer as I had suffered. I got a few of them and felt delighted to have become the Fred West of mosquitos before another trio of the bastards landed and sucked the life out of my calves. They are one of the most annoying, pointless, shitty things to walk this earth and if they died out tomorrow, NOBODY would miss them. They are pointless. FUUUUUUUUUUUU.

The second thing that pissed me off - money. WHY WHY WHY is everything so expensive in Norway?! I walked into a shop and it was over 100NOK (£10) for LESS THAN A KILO of cheese. Fucking CHEESE. It wasn't just cheese, everything was expensive as fuck. A group of us went into a pub and were charged £7-8 for HALF A PINT of lager which ended up tasting like piss anyway. What the actual fuck Norway? I now understand why the Norwegians are healthy and not fat like the UK and US. They can't afford to eat and drink as much as we do because everything is so FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Get your fucking act together guys. You're not living.

GERMAN FUCKING TOURISTS. They were there in their millions and we fucking knew about them. 'OH HALLO DERR ENGLISHMAN I AM DRIVING ZE VELLY BIG CARAVAN MOTORHOME AND I DRIVE IT VELLY VAST TOVARDS YOU NOT GIVING EIN SINGLE GLANCE OUT OF MEIN VINDO'. I was mown down by these fucking morons nearly every day, with stupid grinning faces and hairy faces (and those were just the women). They would drive up to a landmark or glacier, wind down the window, not even get out of the car, take one photo then back up and fuck off in their tanks. Thanks for being the shittest most irritating tourists I've ever seen.

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Be happy everybody.

32 comments:

  1. I was cracking up towards the end! Great post!

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  2. I laughed a lot at this. And I feel you on mosquitoes. Meat tenderizer works wonders on the bites!

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  3. I think "flying fucking terror insects of death" is going to become a standard part of my vocabulary.

    Thanks for the rage!
    sars

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  4. that was some great rage man. i was in norway for a month when I was 12 and can't remember if stuff was expensive but I believe you.

    +followed

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  5. hahhaah wanted to visit Norway one day, not anymore after reading this!
    +follwing :)

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  6. lol sounds like a fun trip, i wish i could go to norway, i heard the women are beautiful

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  7. But in the moment you go to the fjords, you forget everything.

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  8. I only was in Sweden once. It was nice, but yeah, the mosquitoes were very annoying. I hope you didn't get bitten too much. 100+ times is really hard, though.

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  9. yeah, we germans are not the nicest tourists. only friendly in our own country ^^
    nice blog
    +1

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  10. Terror insects of death, hahahah
    followed+

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  11. Hahahahaha i feel your pain, mosquitoes are perhaps the most annoying creatures ever.
    Now dont get me started on the £8 half pint, thats just plan and simple highway robbery hahahaha and ze germans what can you do? they are everywhere, we even have german villages here in Argentina....

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  12. lol...loved your post. Makes me want to visit Norway soon

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  13. Hahaha I love your blogs theme. This post made me LOL several times. Following to get my daily dose of humor.

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  14. Good thing I live in an area where we don't get many tourists

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  15. That's hilarious. great post!

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  16. I feel you, I HATE mosquitos... and I thought UK was expensive... and germans are pretty fun people.

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  17. really creative and interesting blog! + followed

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  18. This is a expensive motherfucker cheese!

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  19. I fucking hate mosquitos! The end was pretty funny too! Followed

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  20. I lived in Wisconsin for a bunch of time...There were a lot of flying terrors of death there...

    There were ALSO A LOT OF NORWEGIANS THERE!!!

    Together we have uncovered a conspiracy, plot, or coincidence. This MUST be researched.

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  21. i thought foreign lagers would taste good. sorry about the bad trip

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  22. That's so funny, I was just wondering the other day why mosquitos even exist. Where do they fit into the circle of life?

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  23. germans are the best english speakers! :D
    keep it up, nice blog, +followed!

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  24. your blog really had me LOL! Definitely, + 1 follower

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  25. A blog after my own heart, +followed

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  26. mosquitos, german tourists, and everything over-priced. welcome to canada
    +++

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  27. hahaha I hate mosquitos too.

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  28. lol mosquito and german tourists, who doesn't hate them :-D

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  29. Great post and a funny rant mate haha

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  30. Norway, the thing I hate is that a killing spree just happened in one of the most peacefull country of the world.

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  31. Agreed, RIP to all those innocent people.

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