Don't get me wrong, Norway was a great place. The scenery was amazing, the people were, generally speaking, friendly, and the country was just a nice place to be. I spent time up on the Nigardsbreen and Fabergstolsbreen glaciers, and although Nigardsbreen was close to a campsite, Faber was completely remote. We lived, slept, ate and shat in one area. It was quite an experience. But the things that raised my anger levels during the trip...
MOSQUITOS. By far and above the most annoying thing in the entire trip. I was bitten easily 100+ times by these irritating little shits. They aren't even clever or fast, so it is easy to kill them, but THEY ARE SO FUCKING BITEY. By the end of the trip I was using a lighter on mosquitos landing on my leg not giving a fuck about burning myself because I wanted these flying fucking terror insects of death to suffer as I had suffered. I got a few of them and felt delighted to have become the Fred West of mosquitos before another trio of the bastards landed and sucked the life out of my calves. They are one of the most annoying, pointless, shitty things to walk this earth and if they died out tomorrow, NOBODY would miss them. They are pointless. FUUUUUUUUUUUU.
The second thing that pissed me off - money. WHY WHY WHY is everything so expensive in Norway?! I walked into a shop and it was over 100NOK (£10) for LESS THAN A KILO of cheese. Fucking CHEESE. It wasn't just cheese, everything was expensive as fuck. A group of us went into a pub and were charged £7-8 for HALF A PINT of lager which ended up tasting like piss anyway. What the actual fuck Norway? I now understand why the Norwegians are healthy and not fat like the UK and US. They can't afford to eat and drink as much as we do because everything is so FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Get your fucking act together guys. You're not living.
GERMAN FUCKING TOURISTS. They were there in their millions and we fucking knew about them. 'OH HALLO DERR ENGLISHMAN I AM DRIVING ZE VELLY BIG CARAVAN MOTORHOME AND I DRIVE IT VELLY VAST TOVARDS YOU NOT GIVING EIN SINGLE GLANCE OUT OF MEIN VINDO'. I was mown down by these fucking morons nearly every day, with stupid grinning faces and hairy faces (and those were just the women). They would drive up to a landmark or glacier, wind down the window, not even get out of the car, take one photo then back up and fuck off in their tanks. Thanks for being the shittest most irritating tourists I've ever seen.
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