Don't get me wrong, Norway was a great place. The scenery was amazing, the people were, generally speaking, friendly, and the country was just a nice place to be. I spent time up on the Nigardsbreen and Fabergstolsbreen glaciers, and although Nigardsbreen was close to a campsite, Faber was completely remote. We lived, slept, ate and shat in one area. It was quite an experience. But the things that raised my anger levels during the trip...
MOSQUITOS. By far and above the most annoying thing in the entire trip. I was bitten easily 100+ times by these irritating little shits. They aren't even clever or fast, so it is easy to kill them, but THEY ARE SO FUCKING BITEY. By the end of the trip I was using a lighter on mosquitos landing on my leg not giving a fuck about burning myself because I wanted these flying fucking terror insects of death to suffer as I had suffered. I got a few of them and felt delighted to have become the Fred West of mosquitos before another trio of the bastards landed and sucked the life out of my calves. They are one of the most annoying, pointless, shitty things to walk this earth and if they died out tomorrow, NOBODY would miss them. They are pointless. FUUUUUUUUUUUU.
The second thing that pissed me off - money. WHY WHY WHY is everything so expensive in Norway?! I walked into a shop and it was over 100NOK (£10) for LESS THAN A KILO of cheese. Fucking CHEESE. It wasn't just cheese, everything was expensive as fuck. A group of us went into a pub and were charged £7-8 for HALF A PINT of lager which ended up tasting like piss anyway. What the actual fuck Norway? I now understand why the Norwegians are healthy and not fat like the UK and US. They can't afford to eat and drink as much as we do because everything is so FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Get your fucking act together guys. You're not living.
GERMAN FUCKING TOURISTS. They were there in their millions and we fucking knew about them. 'OH HALLO DERR ENGLISHMAN I AM DRIVING ZE VELLY BIG CARAVAN MOTORHOME AND I DRIVE IT VELLY VAST TOVARDS YOU NOT GIVING EIN SINGLE GLANCE OUT OF MEIN VINDO'. I was mown down by these fucking morons nearly every day, with stupid grinning faces and hairy faces (and those were just the women). They would drive up to a landmark or glacier, wind down the window, not even get out of the car, take one photo then back up and fuck off in their tanks. Thanks for being the shittest most irritating tourists I've ever seen.
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Be happy everybody.
I was cracking up towards the end! Great post!
ReplyDeleteI laughed a lot at this. And I feel you on mosquitoes. Meat tenderizer works wonders on the bites!
ReplyDeleteI think "flying fucking terror insects of death" is going to become a standard part of my vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the rage!
sars
that was some great rage man. i was in norway for a month when I was 12 and can't remember if stuff was expensive but I believe you.
ReplyDelete+followed
hahhaah wanted to visit Norway one day, not anymore after reading this!
ReplyDelete+follwing :)
lol sounds like a fun trip, i wish i could go to norway, i heard the women are beautiful
ReplyDeleteBut in the moment you go to the fjords, you forget everything.
ReplyDeleteI only was in Sweden once. It was nice, but yeah, the mosquitoes were very annoying. I hope you didn't get bitten too much. 100+ times is really hard, though.
ReplyDeleteyeah, we germans are not the nicest tourists. only friendly in our own country ^^
ReplyDeletenice blog
+1
Terror insects of death, hahahah
ReplyDeletefollowed+
Hahahahaha i feel your pain, mosquitoes are perhaps the most annoying creatures ever.
ReplyDeleteNow dont get me started on the £8 half pint, thats just plan and simple highway robbery hahahaha and ze germans what can you do? they are everywhere, we even have german villages here in Argentina....
lol...loved your post. Makes me want to visit Norway soon
ReplyDeleteHahaha I love your blogs theme. This post made me LOL several times. Following to get my daily dose of humor.
ReplyDeleteGood thing I live in an area where we don't get many tourists
ReplyDeleteThat's hilarious. great post!
ReplyDeleteI feel you, I HATE mosquitos... and I thought UK was expensive... and germans are pretty fun people.
ReplyDeletereally creative and interesting blog! + followed
ReplyDeleteThis is a expensive motherfucker cheese!
ReplyDeleteI fucking hate mosquitos! The end was pretty funny too! Followed
ReplyDeletebahahaha great post :D
ReplyDeleteI lived in Wisconsin for a bunch of time...There were a lot of flying terrors of death there...
ReplyDeleteThere were ALSO A LOT OF NORWEGIANS THERE!!!
Together we have uncovered a conspiracy, plot, or coincidence. This MUST be researched.
i thought foreign lagers would taste good. sorry about the bad trip
ReplyDeleteThat's so funny, I was just wondering the other day why mosquitos even exist. Where do they fit into the circle of life?
ReplyDeletegermans are the best english speakers! :D
ReplyDeletekeep it up, nice blog, +followed!
your blog really had me LOL! Definitely, + 1 follower
ReplyDeletemosquitos, german tourists, and everything over-priced. welcome to canada
ReplyDelete+++
hahaha I hate mosquitos too.
ReplyDeletelol mosquito and german tourists, who doesn't hate them :-D
ReplyDeleteGreat post and a funny rant mate haha
ReplyDeleteNorway, the thing I hate is that a killing spree just happened in one of the most peacefull country of the world.
ReplyDeleteAgreed, RIP to all those innocent people.
ReplyDelete